“What started out with good intentions soon became a major problem, and I found myself sliding faster and faster down this slippery slope called weight loss.”
It is hard to believe that 2018 isn’t too far from being over. Wow, this year has just flown by! Many gardens are also coming to an end-of-harvest season.
We still have to dig up our purple potatoes we planted earlier in the year. I wonder how many we will have.
You see, we never know how it is going to go when we grow potatoes. Sometimes we get BIG ones and other times they’re not so big. Either way, the little eventually add up to something heavy…and it got me thinking, “It’s like gaining weight without trying to.”
It’s all fun and games until the baby potato turns into a hoard of baby potatoes. It starts with a new baby potato here and there that somehow slips into the produce basket you have on the counter top, and it’s not enough to cause a lot of concern…until you notice a couple of baby potatoes start turning into several baby potatoes. You’re scratching your head and wondering, “Where did these extra potatoes come from?”
Before you know it, your potato pebbles have become massive potato spuds. Your jaw is open and you’re swearing up and down. “How did THAT happen?” you think.
To translate into weight terms, before you know it, you can’t fit into your jeans anymore. One cheat meal somehow turns into 20, 30, 40+ meals. You start getting anxious when you can’t even pull your jeans up over your knees!
“I SWEAR these fit a month ago!”
Time to lay on the bed and fight zipping them up! Ugh.
You’re bloated, the looking-pregnant-but-you’re-not-pregnant kind of bloating. Nothing fits right anymore, not even your blouses. They’re too tight and you’re trying to not let the girls spill out from a bra that used to fit perfectly!
You finally get the courage to look into a full length mirror and realize your potato pebbles has turned into several bags of potatoes.
How I Found My First Bag of Potatoes
I haven’t always been in crisis mode when it came to my weight. Ah, the good ole days of being a size 0, 2, 4 or even a 6. I had ballooned up from emotional eating to cope with my depression from 2005 to 2009, and I had gained around 50 pounds as well an extremely unhealthy relationship with food in general.
Everything was a physical struggle, which affected me emotionally and even spiritually as well. I believe the 3 are connected, and they can definitely influence one another.
I woke up January 1, 2010 and vowed I was going to lose weight, and I did. That year, I lost 40 pounds. I loved the compliments I was getting–”Wow, girl, you look great!”, “I can tell you’ve lost weight!”, “You’re so tiny/skinny”, “40 pounds? That’s a sack of potatoes!”
Wow. The weight I lost was equivalent to a sack of potatoes? I loved imagining all those 40 pounds in a potato sack and chunking it off Brasstown Bald. It was liberating when I burned my fat clothes. It was flattering when I was sitting on a Kabota tractor and it kept cutting off because I didn’t weigh enough.
My self-esteem went through the roof! It felt so good to be called tiny. It was like for the first time, I felt like people were noticing me, not my big chest or my gut. I felt like I had it all–I felt I was a nice, friendly person and I finally had a physical appearance that I felt matched how I felt on the inside.
I could go up the stairs without feeling like I was dying. I could walk all over the Georgia Southern University campus and not be exhausted, even in that awful humid weather. Finding clothes was so much easier. Overall, I just felt great.
But a bag of potatoes just wasn’t enough.
Weight Loss Comes with a Price
Even though there were lots of advantages in many areas of my life from losing weight, I am not going to lie and say it was full of rainbows and sunshine. Not saying the extremes I am about to discuss happens to everyone, but for me, it came with a price.
I became obsessed with working out, sometimes multiple times a day, and began compulsively weighing myself throughout my day. I weighed before and after I ate, before and after I went to the restroom, before and after I showered, before and after work, before and after the gym…I became obsessed with numbers. I became obsessed with looking at myself in the mirror to make sure I didn’t look a pound heavier than what I did yesterday. That might sound weird, but I became so in tune with looking at myself in the mirror I developed a sixth sense.
Yeah, it got out of control to say the least. I was soon diagnosed with what was then called an Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS) because I had symptoms of bulimia, anorexia, and binge eating disorder. I was a mess. I had lost control and I knew I was spiraling down. I was constantly starving and hangry. What started out with good intentions soon became a major problem, and I found myself sliding faster and faster down this slippery slope.
“How Did I End up with a Sack of Potatoes?”
After an emergency appendectomy, I hated the way my body looked. No one at the hospital cared to explain how this was going to impact my physical body that I had sacrificed and worked hard for. No one told me my midsection was going to look different. All I remember was the ER head honcho coming into my room and calling me his “sickest patient by far” and before I knew it, I was getting ready for surgery.
I tried my old tricks to lose my post-surgery “bloat” but nothing I did worked. No matter how much I worked out or how much I restricted, I kept gaining weight. Pound by pound. Before I knew it, I went from 125 (pre-surgery) to 145 in less than a month.
I felt worthless, ashamed, and disgusted with myself.
What started out as pebbles became a bag of potatoes…and then another…
In 2017, I ballooned to 207 pounds with a total of about 2 bags of potatoes. Could be considered 3.
I have had this on-again-off-again war with trying to lose weight for several years. Trying to do it the healthy way and actually make a lifestyle change is hard, to me anyways.
This is where I have to abruptly end this post because I am trying to figure out how to get rid of all these potatoes!
I wish I had a story I could share on successful weight loss the healthy way. I am still trying to figure that out. Stay tuned, kids. One day I will write that post. Until then, I am starting off with trying to do some intermittent fasting, and I go to the doctor tomorrow to hopefully rule out a thyroid problem, but I am confident there is an issue there.
I just wanted to mainly share my story because I know I am not the only one who struggles. Maybe you have extra bags of potatoes, too!
I need to find a successful “recipe” to use all these figurative potatoes and lose some weight.
I would love to hear from you if you’re in the same boat!